Emotions

It's something we don't necessarily like to talk about sometimes - at least some of us don't.  And if we do talk about them, others may not like showing them.  On the other hand, some people love to put them on display for all the world to see and pity/admire.  These even stereotype the genders.

Emotions.

Women cry; men do not.  Women are weak; men are always strong.  

Now, I don't want to sound feminist - I'm FAR from it.  I'm all for women submitting to their husbands (though I don't agree that women are slaves to their husbands - simply the neck that turns the head....;) ) and husbands being the head of the home, etc.  However, what's with this idea that men are always stronger than women and don't cry while women are always emotional basket cases that are so weak?

I'm a woman, obviously.  But you know what?  I rarely cry.  My friends KNOW that I'm extremely hurt or angry when I cry simply because I don't cry often.  If you see me with puffy eyes, you can be assured that I am either torn deeply inside or I just got finished praying my heart out.  Heaven forbid (my idea) you actually see me cry.  I hide my tears when there are people around unless, however, they are my closest friends whom I trust.  I might cry during a Spirit-led service.  But otherwise, I don't really shed that many tears.

Now, I know some women/girls that think you can't live a day without tears.  Some women are simply made that way.  They HAVE to cry.  They can't take it inside if they don't let something out every now and then - or every other minute.  I would go absolutely crazy if I cried that much.  And I have to admit, sometimes I view some of those women (not all of course) as weak, emotional basket cases.  Perhaps it is this mentality that keeps me from crying most of the time.  I hate that stereotype so I avoid it at all costs.

Men, on the other hand, seem to think they are not allowed to cry simply because they wear pants.  Why is it "un-manly" to cry???  I have a dear friend whom I love SO much that thinks he's not allowed to cry.  He told me once, "It's weird for a guy to cry!"  Needless to say, I let him have it for that one.  And needless to say, that same guy has cried to me a few times.  I know he's truly hurting because of his mentality on tears.  When he cries, he is truly broken and grasping for hope in a situation.  Other guys are criers - they have NO shame whatsoever in tears.  I know one that, I confess, I view as an absolute baby.  He blubbers at the smallest things.

My dad is my favorite example of guys crying.  Daddy does not cry all the time - he's far from emotional usually.  However, when he testifies, when he talks about his little girl graduating or falling in love, when he talks about his beautiful wife when she is hurting, when he sees a heart-wrenching scene in a movie, he will shamelessly shed tears.  He won't break down and bawl - I have never once seen my dad cry like a baby.  But I've seen him truly broken or truly moved to the point that tears will stream down his rough, whiskered cheeks and into his red mustache.  

My mom is a wonderful example of a woman who is strong, but still cries.  My mom faces turmoil every day.  No one in her family is a Christian.  She works in labor and delivery at the hospital where she sometimes watches babies die because of complications.  Sometimes, she gets a phone call that her mom, who has MS, has fallen again and is hurt.  She herself has Fibromyalgia, a painful disease that some people will tell those who have it that it is all in their head.  Let me tell you something - it's not.  She is often in pain, severe pain that none of us can comprehend because it's indescribable and strange.  When she's in that pain, she cries.  When she testifies in church or gives my graduation speech, she cries.  When she has a baby die at the hospital, she cries.  Then she's done.  She cries a little, sometimes she cries alot to grieve something horrible, such as when her mother fell down a flight of stairs head first and was in the hospital.  But she is the farthest thing from a weak, emotional basket case I have ever seen in my life.

So tell me, do you think it is un-manly for a guy to cry?  Do you think women are weak and always emotional?

Forgiveness and Trust

Have you ever had this problem: someone really hurt you, as in, s/he totally back stabbed you, and you truly want to forgive them, but it doesn't feel like you did because you don't trust them?

I've been in this situation several times in the past year or so.  I've had some people hurt me so badly that it was hard to forgive them; then, when I finally was able to totally forgive them, I felt that it wasn't enough because I couldn't trust them.  I never told them anything, never put myself in a position to allow them to hurt me again.  I would constantly pray "God, help me forgive them" because I thought I wasn't forgiving them.

But in reality, trust does not always come with forgiveness.  Trust doesn't even always come when a person says he's sorry and promises to change.  

When you simply forgive because someone wronged you, there is not going to be an automatic trust.  Say someone is a tale-teller.  You tell him in confidence your darkest secret, then when you are out of ear shot, he tells several people even though he promised to never tell a soul.  You know he did it, and it hurts, but you forgive him anyway.  Do you still trust him with your secrets?  Not if he did not apologize to you for it, right?  Why trust someone that will obviously spread the word?  Forgiveness does not necessarily mean trust.

This is difficult to learn, sometimes.  At least, it was for me.  I struggled to trust several people, and because of that struggle, I felt I wasn't forgiving them like I should.  But actually, I had forgiven them.  I just didn't trust them - and I still don't.  But I HAVE forgiven them.

Tattle-Tail

You just got a new job at Bruster's Real Ice Cream shop, and you want to show your boss how dedicated you are.  You work extra hard and make sure you're never standing still long enough to not be busy.  You're always doing something - cleaning, stocking, helping customers, making cones.  Your manager sees, and you have a reputation for never "letting the grass grow under your feet" and for being a hard worker.  She trusts you and tells you everything.  She tells you that the pies are only supposed to be in the freezer for a certain period of time.  Inspection is coming up and some of them are older than they should be, or some of them don't have dates.  She tells you to simply change the dates of the old pies and put recent dates on the pies that aren't marked - no matter how old they are.  

What do you do?

What about this one - same work place.  There's a girl there that out-ranks you by miles.  She even trained you.  But you notice that her work ethic is in the pits.  She spends 99% of the time at work at the back desk on the business's phone talking to her mom or her friends.  The rest of the time she's doing the easiest (and slowest) job - the slowest way, by the way - and makes sure that she takes care of every customer she can so that she can get tips (because she knows you're not socialist and that you won't take what you haven't earned, so you don't split tips).  

Do you tell your manager?

One more:  You're sitting in class.  It's the first big test, and you know you're ready, but you're still nervous.  You've done the flash cards, you've drilled the terms.  You get the test and breeze through it.  You're on the last page and you have to list 5 reasons for something - you only remember 4.  You KNOW the last one, but you just can't bring it to the forefront of your brain!  You sit back and think.  Then you notice the person next to you - your friend that you studied with right before class - ok, "studied."  He looks over casually, then writes on his paper.  You brush it off, resign to not knowing the answer and resting in your bonus question, and leave the room, your friend on your heels, having finished at the same time.  When you walk back in at the end and everyone grades their tests, you see that your friend has all the same answers as you - even the same wrong guess for the last question that you couldn't remember.  Every short answer is written word for word.  Later you find out that he's had the same thing happen with another one of your friends in another class.  You know he cheated - but you don't want to say anything.

Who do you go to?  Or do you?

There's a horrible name for little kids.  They all hate it - we all did when we were little, too:  "Tattle-Tail."  A tattle-tail was someone who always told on other people.  No one got away with anything because you would always tell Teacher or Mommy.  The same goes for older people, too, though not in the same way.  High school students, college students, young employed adults, even older adults - they may not call you the name, but they sure will have the same attitude as the name-calling child does when you tell an authority what they've done.

So what do you do when you know someone did wrong?  In the work instance, when the manager basically told you to lie to the state?  Do you flat out refuse?  Or do you change the dates on those freezer-burned pies?  What about the fellow employee?  Do you tell the manager that this employee is a lazy bum and should be fired?  What about your cheater-friend?  Do you tell the professor?  Do you tell the dean/principal?  Or do you just keep your mouth shut and pray it doesn't happen again?

I think there is a time to stay quiet and a time to open up.  In our first incident, I think it would be wise to speak up to the manager personally - just out and tell her that you won't lie.  You will gladly remake pies to fit the proper dates, or you will simply take the responsibility.  But you will NOT lie.  The second situation - the non-working employee.  I think you should talk to the employee first, then, if there is no change, talk to the manager.  Don't point fingers, but maybe say that there is someone who is not showing proper work ethic, then ask what to do about it.  In the third instance, I'd say go to the person.  And if nothing happens after that, or if the person will not listen to the point you don't bother talking to them in the first place, simply pray about it.  It's tough to watch someone do wrong and get away with it, especially when you know it will only hurt them in the end.  But sometimes you have to let people live the consequences of their mistakes.